Hildegarde's Trashcan

In 1971, someplace in New Jersey, there was this 8 yr old little girl who was afraid of her own shadow. She was skinny, and had a mop of frizzy hair that had a mind of it's own. It brought her so much attention that she shrank from being noticed anytime that she was in public. Now when she was at home, she was the proverbial wild child! Throwing rocks at her brothers or biting her sister (only when provoked or so it seemed to her) But in public places she was as timid as a mouse. Always being in a new school at least 2 or 3 times a year, the walls never became familier enough to notice anything but the cold bright white color on them.

Her main goal of everyday was to find each class, find her assigned seat and hope that nobody would notice her til it was time to return home to where life was codependently familiar. One day the bell rang between class and she had to make a trip to the restroom, just like many others. And just like many others, she had to wait for an open stall. As one door came open, out came a girl that looked like any other girl. She was most likely in her early teen years, with short brown hair and wore horn rimmed glasses. Most likely she would have been considered a "nerd" during that era. She was hugging her books and rushing out of the bathroom. As she was leaving the little girl stepped towards the stall and some other girls who were apparently "popular" said, in their screechy snobby voices, "ewww don't go in there! That's HILDEGARDE'S TRASHCAN!" The little girl was already stepping into the stall; fear made her not be able to change her course. She was so disturbed by this that she closed the door, waited for those snobbbies to leave, and then made a quick exit out of that bathroom, never to return to use the school bathroom during the school day again. She never understood what took place or why it disturbed her, but she was terrified  that stall would be dubbed with her name. She never forgot Hildegarde and occasionally through the years wondered what happened to her.

Fast forward 40 years...the whimpy, frizzy headed kid was me (duh) and this was a true snippet out of my memory. I don't remember anything else so clearly about that school except that it was somewhere in New Jersey. Even though I was terrified at the time that it would be dubbed as my "trashcan" I couldn't help but think about this poor Hildegarde. I wonder how much bullying that she had to go through. Did she rise above this torment or did she give in to the superior forces that tormented her? I looked up bullying on the online encyclepedia Wikipedia and found these disturbing facts:

The link between bullying and school violence has attracted increasing attention since the 1999 Columbine High School massacre. That year, two shotgun-wielding students, both of whom had been identified as gifted and who had been bullied for years, killed 13 people, wounded 24, and then committed suicide. A year later an analysis by officials at the U.S. Secret Service of 37 premeditated school shootings found that bullying, which some of the shooters described "in terms that approached torment," played a major role in more than two-thirds of the attacks. It is estimated that about 60-80% of children are bullied at school. Since bullying is mostly ignored, it may provide an important clue in crowd behaviour and passer-by behaviour. Numerous psychologists have been puzzled by the inactivity of crowds in urban centres when crimes occur in crowded places. Many have suggested bullying as one of the reason of this decline in emotional sensitivity and acceptance of violence as normal. When someone is bullied, it is not only the bully and victim who are becoming less sensitive to violence. In most cases, the friends and classmates of the bully and the victim accept the violence as normal.(Wikipedia online 2011)

Some other disturbing facts taken from Wikipedia: 

Mona O’Moore of the Anti-Bullying Centre at Trinity College in Dublin, has written, "There is a growing body of research which indicates that individuals, whether child or adult, who are persistently subjected to abusive behavior are at risk of stress related illness which can sometimes lead to suicide."  Those who have been the targets of bullying can suffer from long term emotional and behavioral problems. Bullying can cause loneliness, depression, anxiety, lead to low self-esteem and increased susceptibility to illness. In the long term it can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and an inability to form relationships - even leading to celibacy. .(Wikipedia online 2011)

I looked into the "why people become bullies" and found this :


Research indicates that adults who bully have personalities that are authoritarian, combined with a strong need to control or dominate. It has also been suggested that a prejudicial view of subordinates can be a particularly strong risk factor. Some doctors have argued that a bully reflects the environment of his home, repeating the model he learned from his parents.
Further studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying.  Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results.  While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic,  others can use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser him/herself feels empowered.
Researchers have identified other risk factors such as depression and personality disorders, as well as quickness to anger and use of force, addiction to aggressive behaviors, mistaking others' actions as hostile, concern with preserving self image, and engaging in obsessive or rigid actions. .(Wikipedia online 2011)

As you most likely have guessed, I am not a writer per se. But I do like to communicate and writing this down is a good form to express myself on this (or any) subject. What I would like to do here in whatever small way I can, is to educate you on the effects of bullying. Even if it seems like an insignificant little musing from childhood. The small part that I played in this story was significant enough to last me 40+ years, I can only imagine the long term affects that it had on Hildegarde. So, you can imagine the torment that people go through from worse case scenarios.
Just remember, if you have thoughts that are "bullyish" in general, or if you are suffering at the hands of a bully, you cannot control what thoughts come INTO your mind. These are the "fiery darts" we've heard tale of. But you CAN control what thoughts you choose to dwell on. The dictionay defines to "dwell" as :
1. to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside.

2. to live or continue in a given condition or state: to dwell in happiness.

3. to linger over, emphasize, or ponder in thought, speech, or writing

 

In closing I would like to say to Hildegarde, wherever or whoever you turned out to be, you touched my life many years ago with your misfortune and now I lift you up in prayer asking for special blessings for your life.